Using the power of the word "NO" and gaining balance

Being a hairstylist and a mother learning the power of the word "NO" can be hard but key to maintaining some order, balance and happiness. I am in a customer service industry so sometimes saying "NO" seems like the wrong answer sometimes. WRONG!

Don't starting trippin...I have said YES one thousand times more than I say NO. That is one of the only ways to gain success but there are times and places to use the power of the word  NO!

I hear in every workshop I teach, like a cry for help..."I need help with balance." I want to raise my hands in the air and say "AMEN." because I understand this feeling so painfully.

A struggle of everyones I am sure but a big one of mine. I believe there are moments of time that you are out of balance and that is should be embraced.

Like to get to point A to B. That could be school, getting out of debt , hardships, building a clientele, climbing the career ropes, medical reasons, divorce,  etc...but once the dust settles finding balance is important for growth, happiness and to not get burnt out.

I read an article once that said , "You cannot do everything. If there are 8 slices of the pie...you only get to eat 3." Basically saying you can only do so many things at once WELL. Which I do believe to be true. I also believe in the power of saying "NO" and asking for HELP.

So being a mother (wanting down time with my kid, sports, cooking , cleaning , vacations ,etc...)

single mom (wanting some small social life/dating life)

salon owner (wanting to mentor and grow my team)

being a normal person (wanting to IDK work out and have "me time" now and again)

a hairstylist (wanting to have good customer service & make some money)

running a nation wide education business (students, ticket sales, attending education, teaching education , training assistants, creating new ideas, patterns, building cirrocumulus , always bettering my education experience, sponsors, traveling , time management , etc etc ETC...)

and wanting to just a person and to just be and chill sometimes.... so if you struggle with balance TRUST ME I UNDERSTAND.

I also am a hard worker, dreamer and don't believe in selling myself short SO I SAY NO to the stuff that isn't feeding my family and my main goals and rest I find out how to balance it ...instead of quitting or having a mental break down.

JUST DO THESE THINGS ...THEY HELP!

  1. PUT YOU First. Yep, I said it. Be a little selfish, a little vain and a little needy. Have you ever met someone who has spent years being a martyr...saying it was for my job, my kids, my husband/wife etc...and they have abused themselves by not taking care of their number ONE...themselves. People who feed this mentality or fall in this category just need to make a mental switch. They do this with good intensions but what they don't realize is they are doing these loved ones /jobs/ religions etc... a disfavor because they are not able to give, serve, help, love the best to their ability because WHO IS GIVING, LOVING, SERVING them??? NO ONE!  So put you first. I schedule me time into my week EVERY WEEK & I find moments for it everyday. Sometimes this looks like waking up early and enjoying a quite hot shower and a cup of coffee while I put on my makeup before my rug rat wakes up. Sometimes this looks like listening to good music on the way to work, going to yoga, having a house cleaner come and do the stuff I don't want to do, getting my nails done, dressing well, getting my car washed, getting a massage. I hear women say all the time in the chair ...they have never done some of these things & maybe these aren't relaxing things to you but find some and do them everyday. Wear clothes that make you feel confident and well dressed. Show up to face the day with power. Listen to music that makes you feel good inside. Eat food that fuels healthy energy. Do things for you but SCHEDULE it in. Spur of the moment DOESN'T work! You come first.

2.  BE ORGANIZED AND HAVE A PLANNER. It is NOT in my nature to be scheduled or organized but I have learned it is the ONLY way to live a prosperous life. Book everything in advance and have a calendar. Your work schedule (and HAIRSTYLIST STICK TO IT) , your nail apps , your date nights, your grocery shopping days, your play dates with kids, your free time. Old me would of said...well then when do I get to be spontaneous... well Elizabeth you didn't EVER get to be because you were always busy so now you get scheduled free time. Time that is yours to enjoy because you know most things are done or at least done enough for today. HAIR STYLIST MY BIGGEST SUGGESTION IS TO MAKE A WORK SCHEDULE AND STICK TO IT WITHOUT FAIL. NO SLIPPING ANYONE IN EVER. I also suggest one day a week for chores, errands, buying product, washing the car etc...don't squeeze that stuff in. Have a "Get yo shit done DAY." That way you can schedule the rest of your human life!!!!! Clients will adjust. IT Is JUST HAIR! Nothing is worth your sanity, happiness, family balance and personal balance. Boundaries are HEALTHY.

3.  Realize that you can't do it all , all the time. You can't hang out with friends everyday, gym everyday, work everyday, family everyday , cook everyday  etc....So prioritize what is most important and do the others a little bit. It is like the pie analogy . You can't have all 8 slices all the time but you can have a bit of the other pieces now and again.

Find things that can overlap. For example: my salon ownership, servicing my clients and making content for social media are all important things but I don't have time to do them all , all the time. So I only work two days a week in the salon and I focus on doing all three really well all day. Pretty much nothing else gets done those days but I plan for that. I grocery shop other days, cook the day before & eat left over that day (or get take out) etc....I know those are the days for doing that only. Those days never change or alter for the most part. I plan on them being blocked out every week, every time.

Another example: I want to hang out with girlfriends but I also want quality time with my child so I do them at the same time most of the time. Every once and awhile Ill do a real "girls night out" but not very often.  Maybe Ill go to the gym with my girlfriends...kill two birds with one stone! Go on a stroller ride, get the idea?!

4. Here is the big one....say NO to everything else. If it is stressing you out, isn't going to make your life better, isn't going to make the world end, isn't making you money, isn't making you really happy....GET RID OF IT. Spring clean your life, your circle of friends, the activities you agree to help with, the favors you give, the things you think you need....less is more - and then you can actually do more. It's crazy how it works.

Feed what is feeding you ...emotionally, mentally, physically , financially.

This means friends, family , church, work, clients, kids, lovers. When you know it would just make your life so much easier or your stress go away if you said , "NO" ...then that is your gut saying ...."TOO MUCH! STOP. No more. Not needed." ....follow that . IT feels so great once you say NO and feel that relief.

5. Reward yourself. Buy yourself shit, tell yourself how freaking rad/pretty you are, thank yourself, uplift yourself, take yourself to dinner ...whatever!! Just reward yourself. Remind yourself daily that you are doing amazing, you are worth it, you are good enough for great things, you demand happiness, success and balance. The universe will listen when you align your thinking.

PS: It is also okay to get overwhelmed, cry and have the occasion mental break down hahaha (that can be normal too)...then get back to being awesome when you are done. xo

-Elizabeth Faye